Five Love Languages

An Easy Guide to Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year when you want to connect with your partner.

The 5 Love Languages were developed by Gary Chapman as a way to help couples connect with one another.

Acts of Service – performing a task for another person

Physical Touch – being in close physical proximity and physically touching another person

Quality Time – spending valuable time together

Receiving Gifts – giving thoughtful gifts to another person

Words of Affirmation – giving an encouraging word or a compliment

My husband and I took the test to discover our love languages when we were engaged to be married. I retook the test in order to write this post, and my love languages have shifted a little. If I had to guess what caused the shift I would say that adult life, living together, and having a child shifted those results. Think about it: the first time we took this test, we lived separately. We didn’t have a home together to maintain. I was still in college full-time. There were no little humans to take care of. I knew before I retook the test that I would for sure score high in Acts of Service because the sexiest thing my husband can do is help out around the house without being asked. This just proves that it is important to take inventory on the 5 Love Languages every 1-2 years.

So without further ado here are my results:

My previous love language was Quality Time, so I knew that would still be pretty high on the list. Funnily enough, Acts of Service used to be pretty far down on the list. But once again, it totally makes sense. Don’t tell me I’m beautiful; just put a load of laundry in the washer and I get the point. I’m a firm believe in “actions speak louder than words.”

Quality Time is, without a doubt, important to me. I would rather have a trip or outing than a physical gift (although apparently I like to receive gifts also). Take me to dinner instead of buying me flowers.

Let’s skip to the bottom: Physical Touch. I have never been much for affection. Take it or leave it. But you better let me sleep on my side of the bed, alone. Here’s a get-real-moment for you: I need to work on this one because my husband highly values Physical Touch. This mama is trying.

I asked my husband to retake the test as well, and he kindly did that for me (check that off as an Act of Service):

See what is happening here: we are opposites in many ways. That means that instead of thinking just of what we individually need, we must learn to know what each other needs. My husband must stretch himself by speaking my love language because that particular language is pretty low on his list. And I must really, really stretch myself by speaking his love language. But I think that’s the point of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages. You learn how to complement one another.

Your turn, lovely readers! Take the test, and have your significant other take the test. Compare the results, and discuss ways that you can both complement each other’s love languages. For Valentine’s Day, remember to take your significant other’s Love Language into account.

Acts of Service – Put together a chore coupon book with all the chores your significant other despises doing.

Physical Touch – Give your significant other a massage with massage oil, candles lit, and a song that means a lot to your relationship playing in the background.

Quality Time – Plan a new and exciting date. Maybe you can stay home and try cooking a new and exotic meal together. Homemade sushi, anyone?

Receiving Gifts – Give/make a thoughtful gift that you’ve never given your significant other before.

Words of Affirmation – Write a poem or story about your significant other and transfer it into a nice journal or illustrate it to be displayed.

Let me know in the comments what you discovered through the 5 Love Languages or how you can better speak your significant other’s love language. I would love to hear how you incorporated your lover’s love language into Valentine’s Day.

Originally written for

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