So you’ve got a date and you’re looking forward to a great night out. You’ve ironed your shirt and polished your shoes. You’ve sprayed enough cologne to poison a small country, and your taxi has just landed. Nothing can go wrong can it?
Well, unless you’ve read through these common mistakes and how to avoid them, then it’s possible that the night could end in disaster. So get your notepad out and your reading glasses on, and worry no more…
1. Failing to take the initiative
You may think it’s being polite asking a lady where she would like to go on a date, but asking her to be specific is going a bit too far.
Women love surprises, so if you make the arrangements and plan where you’re both going, you not only come across as confident and in control but you also portray a sense of mystery and adventure.
2. Not doing your research
Although it will be a surprise, you will still need to do some research and find out more about your date. To find out about her musical tastes and her favourite food, consider asking her friends. Check out her Facebook page and see if anything gives you a clue about the type of person she is.
You could also ask her, but you need to be subtle and not too obvious about why you’re asking. You could maybe say things like, ‘I love Chinese food. How about you?’ Or, ‘Did you hear about the latest movie with Jack Nicholson. I hear it’s supposed to be good.’
3. Not making enough effort
No matter how much you’ve ironed your shirt and polished your shoes, if they are 10 years old and looking like some well needed repair, you aren’t going to impress!
Have a good look through your wardrobe and try to find something recent that you’ve bought. If you can’t find anything, then get yourself to the shop and part with your pounds. First impressions count for everything, and if you fail to impress on the first date then there might not be any more to come.
Choose something that you are comfortable and confident wearing – not too tight and not too baggy. Dress smartly, but don’t overdo it. Designer names and expensive clothes are not essential, and could even put your date off.
Women don’t care about how much you’ve spent on your clothes, just how much effort you’ve made and that you care about your appearance for the date.
4. Leaving your phone on
Playing around with your phone, texting or receiving calls is a huge no-no on a date!
You need to keep your attention focused solely on your date, and make them your centre of attention. Messing around with your phone is just plain rude, and won’t get you a second date.
Consider turning it off completely, not just on vibrate. Unless you are expecting a call from someone that’s extremely important, then there is no need to be checking your phone every five minutes.
5. Too much talking and not enough listening
This might be an obvious one, but try not to talk too much about yourself. Make sure you take your listening ears with you, and make a conscious effort to stop talking if you feel the conversation has been on you for a while.
Also, if you find that the conversation is going a bit stale, try to ask a few questions to get things going. Some good questions to begin with might be, ‘So what do you do for a living?’ Or, ‘How do you like to spend your free time?’
Women like confident, chatty, and outgoing men, but too much talking about yourself could make them think you’re arrogant and aren’t interested in anyone else. Be a great listener and ask lots of open ended questions if you have any doubts.
6. Talking about ex-girlfriends
Never, ever ever ever talk about an ex – even if you think it’s appropriate for the conversation!
It doesn’t matter how much you are over her and you think it will be ok, it will certainly always make your date feel uncomfortable and they’ll wonder why you’ve brought them up in the first place.
7. Leaving her to pay, or going 50/50
This is always a tricky one, and can turn out to be quite awkward and embarrassing if you don’t get it right!
There has been a lot of hype recently that in modern times it’s better to split the bill 50/50, but research has shown that by paying for the first date and suggesting that she pays next time, is usually the best move.
8. Swooping in for tongue tennis
This really depends on how long you’ve known each other for, and how well you think the date has gone. But if you feel the time is right, then don’t hesitate to take the plunge.
It’s probably not a good idea to try and swoop in for a full blown ‘let’s play tongue tennis’ kiss, but there’s nothing wrong with a semi-passionate kiss on the lips.
If you like her, then why not show it! You don’t want your date feeling like they’ve done something wrong, or that you didn’t like them. Topping off the night with a kiss could leave your date wanting more, and you always regret it when you don’t!
9. Rushing sexy time
Having sex on the first date is usually a big no no, and for obvious reasons! It’s not always a problem, and it doesn’t mean to say you’ve already cursed the relationship; but having sex too soon is just asking for things to go wrong.
Why the rush? Just wait and savour the moment. Make it special and get to know each other better first. Sex for the first time with someone new can be a little awkward and embarrassing, and it could instantly put you both off each other without giving the relationship a chance.
If you get to know each other really well first, then any awkward moments can be brushed aside and laughed about later. Being comfortable with someone is vital when it comes to sex, so don’t go steaming in!
10. Jumping in for the second date – or leaving it too long
Should you call or text her for a second date? Should you leave it a few days and not come across too keen? Or should you contact her immediately and arrange a date for the following weekend?
Deciding on when and how you are going to contact her for a second date is always a nightmare. Some people don’t like talking on the phone and prefer texts, so our advice would be to keep things easy and text her to arrange that next date.
Try not to leave it too long either, as your new acquaintance may think you’ve gone off them already. And don’t worry if you think contacting her too soon comes across as overly keen.
If you had a great night, then text her straight away and let her know. As long as you keep the message short and sweet, they will be happy that you enjoyed the evening. You could then wait for their reply and see how they felt about the date.
If they reply and tell you they had a great evening too and would like to do it again sometime, then bingo – the next date is already on its way!
Relax, stay calm and be friendly. Let them know you had a great time and don’t push them into the next date. Let it come naturally during conversation and let it play itself out.